Saturday, May 18, 2013

Setting in

I really feel like the baby we lost was a boy.  I have felt from the time I found out we were expecting twins that we would have a boy and a girl.  Jac says he knows he was. 
The other night after reading in the New Testament about Jesus performing miracles Jac turned to me and started crying.  When I asked him what was wrong he told me that he wished his baby brother wouldn't have died.  This broke my heart. I hugged him and told him that we didn't know for sure that it was his brother and he immediately set me straight.  Telling me that he knows that if there is a sister in there, then there was a brother.  I honestly feel so too. And so this is what I will refer to my Baby A as.  My little boy.  He then proceeded to tell me that I needed to pray and tell Jesus to put his baby brother back in my belly.  He told me Jesus could do it.  I firmly believe he could, but in the same breath, I know he wouldn't.  As badly as I want him to, as much as I have cried and prayed he would, I know that this is not his will.  And most of the time it's okay. Most of the time...


Tiffani said...

It's interesting to me that you feel strongly about the baby's gender. I KNEW mine was a girl as soon as we learned she had died. I have a friend who has had two late miscarriages and feels so strongly about the genders that she has named them both (I think the second one was confirmed a girl). I would absolutely trust your feeling on this one. Poor Jac... What a sweet sensitive thing to say that he wished he hadn't died. It's a hard thing for the kids to get their heads around, but at the same time the faith they have is amazing. My kids carried me thru a lot at the beginning. Talking about our baby was so good for all of us. Seeing that they love their sister without ever even seeing her is precious.
Your sweet boy is watching out for your family.

JennyJ said...

<3 Jac.
<3 you too!

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